Pronunciation Annoyances

As a public service announcement (albeit a not-very-useful one), I’m listing the right way to pronounce a few things that people often get wrong.

In Science

• Those sea creatures that look like flowers are Sea Anemones (like the flower) – not “anenomes.” I even heard a lady at the aquarium say this wrong.
• Something pertaining to a nucleus is Nuclear – not “nucular”

In Church

• Daniel’s buddy was called Abed-Nego – not “abendego”
• The early Church headquarters was at Kirtland, Ohio – not “Kirkland” (A common mistake in Washington state, where there really is a Kirkland)
• And yes, it’s “Books of Mormon”, not “Book of Mormons”, although “Copies of the Book of Mormon” sounds even better.

And in video games, there’s a whole other list of issues here.

Gambling vs. Stock Trading

I think it’s pretty easy to make the case that gambling is immoral. And I’ve heard lotteries referred to as a tax on people who are bad at math. I’ve had this repeated discussion about what exactly gambling is, and in particular whether trading stocks falls into that category. So here’s my output from that line of discussion.

Defining “Gambling”

It’s trickier than expected to define what gambling is, especially if you start the the premise that it is categorically immoral. It’s more complex than just taking risks – after all, getting in your car and driving to work involves a risk. And it’s not just getting something based on chance – after all, if you buy a candy bar and “instantly win” a million dollars, I wouldn’t consider that gambling. (Except maybe if you bought the candy bar for that purpose.)

I’ll skip the discussion here and give you what I think is a good definition for gambling:

Gambling is an effort to gain money which involves (1) an element of risk AND either (2a) results based on chance OR (2b) a motive to get something from someone else without providing something of value in return.

So a sweepstakes is not gambling because you aren’t risking anything. Same for a contest with a prize for the winner, assuming that you don’t pay to enter it. But poker and betting on sports are gambling, because even though they are not based totally on chance, the goal is to take money away from other people. And buying a raffle ticket is gambling, because even though you’re not necessarily trying to take money away from people, you’re investing in pure luck. I guess the same goes for Russian roulette, although that’s wrong for more reasons than that.

Stocks

So that brings us to the question of whether trading stocks is gambling. I think that the answer is a proverbial “definite maybe.” When you buy stock, you definitely hope that you are going to sell it for more than the person sold it for, but that’s just standard business practice, the same as any merchant does. And there is some actual value associated with a stock share, even though it’s pretty abstract. So I wouldn’t claim that it’s fundamentally wrong.

On the other hand, I do think a lot of people approach stock trading the way they’d approach a poker game. For instance, if you sell stock because you’re convinced it’s about to plummet in price, then that’s arguably like trying to trick someone into taking the loss instead of you. And making decisions based on what you think the market will do isn’t all that different from trading Ultimate Football players based on what you think the teams will do.

A thought experiment

In order to consider the value of a transaction, it’s interesting to ask whether the world would benefit if everyone in the world were to spend a day doing it. Consider these:

• Farming: Definitely.
• Fixing plumbing: Yes.
• Passing laws: Hopefully, yes.
• Playing poker: Definitely not.
• Playing baseball: Not much, other than some physical exercise and entertainment for the people watching. (Going to a baseball game isn’t gambling because you pay the same regardless of the outcome – no risk. But it does make you wonder why you can make a career out of playing sports.)
• Painting, playing music, writing books: Sure. Not a lot of practical value, but artistic expression does have value.
• Trading stocks: I don’t see how. This would be essentially like passing dollar bills around. Some people would end up with more and some with less, but overall there would be no value created.

Conclusion

To reiterate, I’m not claiming that stock trading is immoral. But I definitely think that if you approach it with the attitude of getting rich quick instead of investing in actual companies, that you’re likely to get a lot of the bad side-effects that you’d get from actual gambling, like a compromised work ethic, obsessive involvement, and a high potential for losing money that could have been spent on something of concrete value. So there’s my two shares. (Get it?)

Nukeluking

In what may well be a mutant ability, I can twitch my finger tendons back and forth over my knuckles. My brother (just a few years old at the time) named it “Nukeluking.”

I’m not sure how to embed the videos without putting them on YouTube or something, but here are links to them on SkyDrive:

• Nukeluk Movie 1
• Nukeluk Movie 2

 

I have heard of other people being able to do this, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen it done. Certainly not on all fingers. (Only the middle finger came naturally. I expanded my abilities in fourth grade, although it hurt the first time I did it. I do not recommend developing this particular power.)

Bad Haiku

I have been guilty
Of putting Haiku poems
Where they shouldn’t go.

You know, like at work.
Out of office reply mail.
Instant message notes.

Some deal with Haiku.
But not all of them, you see.
So don’t bail out yet.

---

A bad idea
Is to write Haiku poems.
So please don't do it.

Once you get started,
It is difficult to quit.
It's quite addictive.

Instant message notes
are exactly the wrong place
to put your Haiku.
 
When out of office,
Keep your auto-replies clean
Of pointless Haiku.

 
The angry guy said,
"Get the heck out of here, punk!"
It was poetry.
 
The bank robber said,
"Give me all your money, now!"
Poetry, as well.

 
The time has arrived.
It is unsolicited.
Another Haiku.

Weird Stuff

Here are some pictures of weird stuff I’ve run across:

 

This is a wrapper for some Hershey’s chocolate. But, “Dark Promises?” Sounds like a threat or something.

In the daylight it says “Wheel Parts”, but at night the store’s true identity is revealed.

I sure am glad they gave us a numbered list, or I might have gotten lost.

Have you ever heard of cheese that was only only 50% grated?

Just over half a cent – but in this economy everything helps, I guess.

Since “mattress” is not part of the store’s name, they must have meant you should park mattresses there.

Yeah, I love how improper wiring is a safety feature.

The Plasma Master – Published!

I wrote a science fiction story about a decade ago. After a bit of polishing, I decided to self-publish it as an e-book. It's not really a business venture, although of course the prospect of it being actually read is appealing. If nothing else, this way I can document that I didn't copy stuff that came out later. (I'm a little paranoid that even now people will think I'm copying some recent movies.) See details on the page tab above.

Thanks to Kevin for the cover art and copious editing advice!

Today’s Quiz

The phrase “‘Ain’t’ ain’t a word” is inappropriate because (choose one):

A. It is hypocritical

B. It is cliché

C. “Ain’t” is in fact a word

D. The correct grammar would be “’Ain’t’ ain’t no word.”